Relationship Trouble

Upon returning to the UK, the first thing to note is the sudden change in temperature. The grey and cold of the weather in London is reflected in the tone of my mate M who calls me to see if I fancy a beer and a chat.

We meet in a pub just off the Embankment. Apparently the on/off relationship of the past 7 months with the accountant is now off again. In all the years I have known M, I haven't known him to be quite this hung up on a girl. Usually he is gregarious and good fun. Today however he is quiet, fidgety and looking like a confused child.

Me - So what's the story mate.

M - Oh i'm just feeling a bit down. It's the accountant. It's not happening.

Me - Really? To be honest, we've sort of had this conversation a few times before.

M - I know, but i've had enough now. I'm crazy about her but it's all me and i'm the one making all the effort.

Me - In what way?

M - It's always me who arranges things when we go out. It's me who calls her. I always have to go to her neck of the woods and she's only been to my place twice. She's interested and then she's not and then she is again. It's just doing my head in.

Me - Am I right in guessing that you're always available for whatever date or time she suggests?

M - Not necessarily.

Me - Honestly?

M - Ok, maybe.

Me - I was in a similar situation with someone just over a year ago, you remember? I received advice from my teenage niece of all people. Guess what she said.

M - No idea.

Me - She said shag her and then don't call her for a week.

M - And did you?

Me - Well no, but that's not the point.

M - Huh?

Me - The point is that you're too available. You're at her beck and call and she can reel you in anytime she wants.

M - So what would you do?

Me - Personally I think i'd draw a line in the sand and move on. Anyone who makes you this unhappy can't be worth it surely.

He looked forlornly into his beer and for a moment I had a horrible feeling that he was going to cry. With women crying in public, I usually feel a protective streak to make sure they are ok. Men crying at a funeral are in a bonding and sharing experience. But a man crying in a crowded pub on a Saturday afternoon is just.. well.. slightly embarrassing. Yes I know, that sounds harsh. Although that's probably because the person whom the tears are for, doesn't seem to be worth a single one of them. If I were to be protective as if he were a girl, then that would prolong the melancholy.

Me - Mate you're not going to cry are you? No one's ever going to shag you if you cry in a crowded pub.

M - No, I'm just thinking. I'm going follow your niece's advice.

Me - My niece is a teenager.

M - I'm still going to follow her advice.

He won't though. In reality, he'll follow the first part of my niece's advice and negate the second part, call her 2 days later and we'll have a similar conversation to this one in about 2 - 3 months time.

I'll tell you something my friends. I am always hearing stories about men being bastards - be it my friend G and the latest bad boy she is dating. Or be it the media circus surrounding the pantomime villainy of Ashley Cole. But seeing a grown man close to tears in a busy pub on a Saturday afternoon, makes you realise that when it comes to being a bastard, there is no monopoly between the sexes.