First Viewing

My friends, the combination of not working, together with the current economic climate has resulted me making the ultimate sacrifice. I have decided share my valuable living space and take on board a flatmate.

Those who know me would be proud. The flat has been cleaned from top to bottom. The spare room itself has been cleared out and everything rearranged. Multiple trips have been made to buy furniture for the spare room, which has resulted in it looking like a very cosy and welcoming place to live. Part of me wants to swap bedrooms it looks so nice. I'm even feeling slightly sad that some ugly stranger is going to reap the fruits from all the hard work of yours truly.

The first viewing was planning for 6.30pm and she arrived right on the dot. "Hellooo" she said with a grin. First impressions were good. She seemed friendly and outgoing and unattractive. If I am going to be sharing my flat as part of a professional arrangement with someone who I want to pay regular rent, then the less potential complications, the better. "Wow, it's a lovely view, It's quite historical this area isn't it" she said, pointing at Tower Bridge. "Yeah it's not bad is it" I replied. I pointed out where the local supermarket and the local gyms are. "Would you like to see inside?" She did and I started to show her around.

I leaned against the fridge freezer with my arms folded watching her nodding silently as she walked around the kitchen. First impressions of optimism turned out to be short lived however as she ran her little pinky along the kitchen top and looked at it covertly (or so she thought). She looked around the lounge "Cosy" she said, before moving onto the bathroom. She looked but said nothing, the air of disdain conspicuous by the invisible turd under her nose.

"And here's the room I'm renting" I said as I led her into the spare room. She looked around but didn't say much. She opened and closed drawers and cupboard doors. Was she interested? If she was then she wasn’t giving anything away. It felt like the moment after an exam when wonder how you did and know that it could have gone either way.

I walked her to the bus stop as a way of showing her around the nicer parts of the area. "So what do you think?" I asked. "Well I like the area. The flat's not very modern though". The sale was about to flat line and needed a defibrillator. In that moment I just wanted the room rented so that I'd have one less thing to think about. I remembered her comment on the historical nature of where I lived and so broke into a monologue on the history of the flats in the area. I started with the building having character, how it had lived through the blitz and then moved onto a short history of the London docks. I told her about how generations of dockers used to live in my building. Not only that, but it was symbolic today of the changes going on locally. Today, retired dockers and new city money lived next door to each other in a characterful old building, sturdy on the solid foundations of the local heritage. I was winging it, but it sounded quite good and by the end I had myself convinced that I should be a local tour guide.

Her bus arrived. "You're a good salesman" she said "I still prefer a new build though" and with that, she got on the bus. A neighbour walked out of the flat adjacent to the bus stop, just as she boarded and came over to join me as the bus drove off.

Neighbour: Hello mate, who was that?

Me: Just an unattractive woman with no soul or sense of history.

Neighbour: So she didn’t want your spare room then?

Me: Nope.

Neighbour: I wouldn’t worry about it mate. I’m sure there loads of ugly women out there, just waiting to live with you.

Me: Here’s hoping mate, here’s hoping.