Midweek Rendezvous - Part 2

It was a few days later, as I sat in the office and looked at my phone. Come on you idiot, just call her! I dialled her number and waited for the call to connect. It went straight to voicemail. Click. I hate leaving messages. Far better to spend half an hour drafting and re-drafting a simple text surely..!?

“Hey, hope you're well and had a great weekend. Are you free for dinner on Saturday night?”

The text sent, I got on with work. A series of back to back meetings during the afternoon had resulted in a pile of actions coming my way that were the result of someone else’s fuck up. My boss was receiving a lot of pressure from his boss and consequently had decided to put pressure on the rest of the team. The moment I started doing one thing, something else would happen and so on and so forth. By 5.30 I was tired and I’d had enough of the office and just wanted to go home.

Sitting on the tube on the way home, I felt like it was the first time that I had properly sat down all day. I had my nose in a book as I heard my phone beep. It was the beep I had been waiting all afternoon to hear, or so I thought: -

“Sorry, I don’t think we’re well suited. I did enjoy my night but I don’t want you 2 get false expectations. I wish you all the best. A.”

I stared at my phone – aghast. What the fuck..!!? I mean what? WHAT?? I was bewildered and didn’t know what to think. I stared at the message over and over. Had we been on different dates? My incredulity was gradually replaced with a sorrow and a sudden loneliness which was exacerbated by the stresses of the day. I looked up and noticed the number of couples who filled the tube carriage. Well there may only have been two or three couples and they may even only have been work colleagues for all I knew. But they stood out with a glow, like kids on a Ready Brek commercial, conspicuous by the warmth of being in a relationship – a warmth that I suddenly longed for more than ever.

I arrived home and made a cup of tea. My phone was lying on the kitchen counter as I glanced again at the message whilst stirring the cup. G phoned, asking how my date had gone the week before. I read her the text. “Oh well, put it behind you. On to the next one” she said, matter of fact. “Yep yep” I said, through gritted teeth, my eyes closed as I desperately tried to keep the lump in my throat under control. I ended the call and took a breath. Fuck it, I thought as I replied to the text: -

“Already had false expectations after you kissed me in the street for half an hour. Kind of wish you hadn’t now. My fault for misjudging”.

I hit the send key as I walked through to the lounge and tossed the phone onto the sofa. There, done! Time for a shower – what a fucking day, I thought as I stripped before opening the shower door just as my phone beeped. Get in the shower, ignore it! Which is why I went straight to the lounge and picked my phone up off the sofa: -

“I’m sorry. It wasn’t my intention to upset you. Please understand that things are not that black and white. I did enjoy kissing you – my heart says to see you but my logic says that things are not settled for me. Yes, maybe we shouldn’t have kissed. I’m sorry”

Bizarrely I started to feel a slight sense of guilt as the water from the shower cascaded over me. She had very mildly hinted during our date that she hadn’t had an easy breakup with her ex. She obviously wasn’t over the split and it seemed to be more of a timing issue than anything. I remembered my own experience of when I went through a very similar thing a few years ago. I considered my current sense of upset and realised that I had let self pity get in the way of clear thinking. I had to face facts. This relationship was looking like a non starter, not now at least. Surely there was something I could take away from it though? Whatever else had happened, I’d had a wonderful night out with a beautiful girl and we had spent what felt an age snogging like two teenagers. That wasn’t a bad memory for an evening out with someone I didn’t even know a fortnight earlier. I finished showering and texted her back.

“I’m sorry A. You’ve caught me at the end of a very long and not good day. I’ve been where you are now and know that it isn’t easy. I enjoyed kissing you and am glad we met as I thought you were adorable and I had a great night. That’s a good silver lining at least. Call me some time. Take care x”.

It’s not always easy to look for the silver lining in a given situation and sometimes I take a wobble when on the receiving end of a metaphorical punch in the face. But what’s the alternative? Well the alternative is to sink into a sort of morose bitterness that jades and makes one more cynical the next time someone shows an interest, and that’s not me. I’d had a wonderful evening and I wanted to remember it. My phone beeped.

“Thank you. I really appreciated your message. You are awesome. I will try to be in contact with you in time. Keep your go lively spirit. It’s wonderful to be around x”

Last year I needed to develop a thicker skin when it came to finding a job. Maybe my period away from the dating scene had meant that I needed to develop a thicker skin in other areas too. I had surprised myself at just how upset I had felt. But look, two weeks before our date I didn’t even know she existed. And that’s what I’m talking about. Life is so random that you never know who or what is just around the corner. For now though, it’s onwards and upwards. Let’s see what the next adventure has in store...