Music

People around me are tapping their feet or banging their knees whilst wearing over sized headphones that seem to cover half of their heads. I'm lying here on Power Beach - not very Thai sounding I grant you, but apparently that's what it's called - probably by some oiky property developer from Dagenham.

I knew that the holiday packing seemed to go just a bit too smoothly. Well I forgot something. I forgot my ipod and now that I don't have it, I want it more than ever. I feel like an addict in need of a hit and I even want to borrow someone else's. That's a bit ridiculous though of course, I say to myself. Why would anyone want to lend a stranger their ipod - I know I wouldn't. That said of course, even if I did let a stranger borrow it, I'd be certain to get it handed straight back to me in disgust before you can say 'Apple'.

You see, I have no music taste - that is nothing which could be called new or cool. I haven't a clue about the current music scene and pay no attention whatsoever to lyrics of any kind. I can usually bluff my way in a group discussion on the subject, by mentioning the name of something I've heard on the radio whilst tuning between stations. Occasionally though I get found out.

A couple of years ago I went to the Reading festival with my friend S. So far so cool you may think, and some people did. In reality though, all I wanted was an escape. I had just split with A and moved out of the flat we shared. I was miserable and living in a strange place and needed a break - something, anything to take my mind off recent events in London. So when I was asked if I was interested in a spare ticket, I was like a child snatching free sweets and couldn't grab it fast enough.

I hardly knew any of the bands at the festival. Kate Nash, The Klaxons, Razorlight - who the fuck were they? S would say to me "Oh you must recognise this song". Nope, haven't a clue, I'd think, before saying "Oh yeah I think I know it". She knew though and called me on it, much to my embarrassment.

S - You know when I asked you if you recognised that song earlier and you said yes?

Me - Yeah?

S - Did you really know ir?

Me - Er, No, sorry

S - Thought so

We went to the tent where the Klaxons were playing. We'd been there for about ten minutes when a small boy of about 12 tugged me on the arm. "Have they played Sheila yet" he asked. At least I think that's what he asked. But how the hell should I know, I wanted to say. I should have just lied - he'd have known no different. Instead I hesitated, only to have S lean across me and in motherly fashion, reassure him that "No, don't worry, they haven't played Sheila yet". Only then to look at me despairingly as I returned a sheepish grin.

All of which has made me realise that I don't want to borrow an ipod after all. What would be the point - I wouldn't have a clue what I'm listening to anyway.